As the shadowy 'Bildeberg Group' was meeting in Greece this weekend to supposedly decide the fate of the known universe and the interest rate on your maxed out credit cards, I thought it only fitting to go see the new Dan Brown conspiracy theory flick. This one features a master plot to assassinate the pope, kidnap the four cardinals likely to replace him, brand them with hot Illuminati iron, and then destroy the Catholic Church with antimatter. Not even Alex Jones could have dreamed up this plot, folks.
But you have to have been born and raised a Catholic to truly enjoy the full pompous, ritual threaded majesty of this film. I remember kneeling in those old Latin masses listening to the drone of sonorous chanting and choking on incense back in the days before the folk guitar replaced the organ as God's preferred means of getting us to sing. Ah, those were the days! The nuns had a saying back then: "Give them to us for eight years and we have them for life!" Thankfully, I managed to escape their influence and ended up a Zen-Taoist. Go Figure. But I am eternally grateful to Sr. Stacy Stigmata, and all the rest, for forcing me to diagram sentences and memorize 20 new vocabulary words each week. I can read and write English! (Though I wish they had taught me how to type).
This book was actually a prelude to Brown's blockbuster 'Da Vinci Code' and it has all the hallmarks of his slick writing style--3 to 5 page scenes, each threaded with a clever plot hook to keep you turning pages. If you read the book, all the talk about the preferiti and the Camerlengo didn't phase you one bit. But if you didn't read the novel, you were probably wondering why these guys couldn't speak a language you could understand, and were just glad that the ancient masters left their clues, hidden for centuries in the Vatican Archives, in the King's English. Basically, the movie is a grand scavenger hunt, following the fabled "Path of Illumination" through Rome where every other statue in the place is pointing a finger, toe or iron arrow in the direction you are supposed to go next. It was lots of fun. I would have watched it just for the grand tour of Rome on the big screen, and all the scenes inside the chapels and churches, where a demonic assassin is executing one of the four kidnapped cardinals each hour before the antimatter is set to explode and vaporize Vatican City, and all the church leaders at conclave, at midnight.
There...I've gone and spoiled the whole film for you. But not really. The fun is in the hectic, fast paced chase through Rome, as the hero Robert Langdon solves one cryptic riddle after another. I half way expected Gollum to pop into the middle of this thing, claim the riddles were just not fair, ask Langdon what he had in his pocketses, and demand his ring. Oh... that was another film.
The bottom line? Three scapulars out of five for this one. It was better than the 'Da Vinci Code' not nearly as irreverent as this review, and the cinematic views of Rome were lovely. Enjoy it! And when you are finished, say two 'Our Fathers,' three' Hail Marys' and get the hell out. (Oops... did I say 'hell?' Make that five 'Our fathers.' And if you are into fun stuff like self flagellation, have at it!)
But you have to have been born and raised a Catholic to truly enjoy the full pompous, ritual threaded majesty of this film. I remember kneeling in those old Latin masses listening to the drone of sonorous chanting and choking on incense back in the days before the folk guitar replaced the organ as God's preferred means of getting us to sing. Ah, those were the days! The nuns had a saying back then: "Give them to us for eight years and we have them for life!" Thankfully, I managed to escape their influence and ended up a Zen-Taoist. Go Figure. But I am eternally grateful to Sr. Stacy Stigmata, and all the rest, for forcing me to diagram sentences and memorize 20 new vocabulary words each week. I can read and write English! (Though I wish they had taught me how to type).
This book was actually a prelude to Brown's blockbuster 'Da Vinci Code' and it has all the hallmarks of his slick writing style--3 to 5 page scenes, each threaded with a clever plot hook to keep you turning pages. If you read the book, all the talk about the preferiti and the Camerlengo didn't phase you one bit. But if you didn't read the novel, you were probably wondering why these guys couldn't speak a language you could understand, and were just glad that the ancient masters left their clues, hidden for centuries in the Vatican Archives, in the King's English. Basically, the movie is a grand scavenger hunt, following the fabled "Path of Illumination" through Rome where every other statue in the place is pointing a finger, toe or iron arrow in the direction you are supposed to go next. It was lots of fun. I would have watched it just for the grand tour of Rome on the big screen, and all the scenes inside the chapels and churches, where a demonic assassin is executing one of the four kidnapped cardinals each hour before the antimatter is set to explode and vaporize Vatican City, and all the church leaders at conclave, at midnight.
There...I've gone and spoiled the whole film for you. But not really. The fun is in the hectic, fast paced chase through Rome, as the hero Robert Langdon solves one cryptic riddle after another. I half way expected Gollum to pop into the middle of this thing, claim the riddles were just not fair, ask Langdon what he had in his pocketses, and demand his ring. Oh... that was another film.
The bottom line? Three scapulars out of five for this one. It was better than the 'Da Vinci Code' not nearly as irreverent as this review, and the cinematic views of Rome were lovely. Enjoy it! And when you are finished, say two 'Our Fathers,' three' Hail Marys' and get the hell out. (Oops... did I say 'hell?' Make that five 'Our fathers.' And if you are into fun stuff like self flagellation, have at it!)
